My weakness

Received a precious comment from an old friend whom currently in Russia for her Medical study.
Thanks a lot for your comment and advise.
I know keep avoiding is not the way to solve my problem.
This is my psychological problem.
I'm a person who afraid of loneliness.
All this while, I had two close seniors infact my closest friends in my university walk along with me,
They seriously walked along with me all the time.
When, I'm going to fall. They will be there.
But situation will change, I have to grow up.
I have to walk alone after this semester.
The joy and happiness that we had build through our past is going to become our history.
From 1st year, a girl whom only know study is the most important had change to a person who like to think too much.
She kept all the secrets in her heart, no one can understand.
She knows her weaknesses, she had trying very hard to change her irritiating attitude.
Obviously, she failed.
She always concerned for her family because she knows how precious her family is to give her support.
She wish to fly as high as possible but she always pulled back by certain force(self-confidence).
Since last time, I will said I'm a person with very less self confidence ( maybe because of my body size).
Sometimes, she wonder if her body is slim like model, will she become more confidence to herself?!
I doubts but with slim body is better than an overweight body shape.
She wish someone can understand her, she is not hoping for much.
At least a good friend who can understand me.
A girl who always have to carry the responsibility is always tired.
Tired until she has to explore what she had done for the whole day before she slept.
Sometimes, she cant sleep because of the incident that happened in the day.
MSM event, might be the last event for me in the my degree.
Seniors asked me to try it out if the feeling is not right then just take a rest.
There's no point carry on anymore.
My heart tell me to move on but my mind ask me to stop.
If I had a choice, I wish to have a life with my music, basketball, studies and events together.
If I were a boy...
maybe I can be more firmed with my decision...
If I were a boy...
I don't have so much time to doubts my decision but to carry on...
If I were a boy...
I will be tough as a real man.
But I'm a girl..
Thanks to my parents had given me a female identity..
They makes me think further and outside the box...
My weakness is I ALWAYS THINK TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! chilaka..!!