Obituary

I had received a message from my mother around 11am. She bought me a bad news. My eldest aunt passed away in this morning around 6am. Even though, I have already prepared myself for the bad news but I just can't accept it in that moment.

I'm not every close to her. In fact, my age is just similar with her granddaughter but she cares a lot for me. I'm so regretted I didn't visit her during the last summer holiday after I got myself home.How shameful is this!!I can't forgive myself from that. According to my mother, she was been visitting the hospital quite frequent since December last year. She was admitted to Limpha cancer after she went for doctor's consultation.

Last year, somewhere around April was her husband, my eldest uncle leaved us to another atmosphere. I still can remembered every single thing during the funeral. Her face was burst with tears, she can't afford to lose her husband. And now, they shall met again in heaven.

After I received the message, I can't concentrated on my work not even listen to the lectures. I just feel like lock myself in the bathroom let the water flash on my body and I cry. I couldn't find any word to describe my current situation. In my heart, I was hoping she can wait until September. Wait for me to go back to say goodbye to her.
After she leaved, I'm sure our family might seperate aparts. These is because the leaved of the elderlies, youngs one wouldn't have the passion to live as a family.

Another my family member leaved me on July. The last one was my grandmother. Her funeral held on my 13th yearsold birthday. There was the first birthday she wasn't with me but with her colded body which lied in a coffin. At that moment, I just wished that she could wish me happy birthday.
My 21st birthday is one more week from now. I have no mood to celebrate and I don't feel like celebrating.

July, nothing cheerful for me but sadness leaved behind.
I might forget it one day but the scar will keeps me reminded forever.

" Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take cartain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted."