I fight with my brother again. and physically fighting again. I remembered the last time was during my may holiday. Honestly, I cant stand withhis attitude anymore. Anyway, I will treat him like a stranger from now onwards. seriously a stranger. I play my part talk when necessary.
p/s: I admire his talent in general. It's so tough to have him this kind of man to stand still in society. I really wish I ahve the opportunity to get a closer chance to interact with him. Applause for him. *clap clap*
I reached Sabah on the day of Sabah on the 26/06/2010. Can u just imagine I had moved my bags for 7 times (maybe more) until I decided to stay at my uncle's house for that 3 weeks. I really do hope it's only 3 weeks because the feeling of staying at ppl's hse isn't that good. They don't have much hobby but only some tv after their dinner, but the 3 children is the most important part after all. they was quite noisy most of the time ( all the time, to be specific a bit). What i can do in that house is only facing my own lappie for drama n drama n drama. there's no assignments at the meanwhile because of the advance system in my uni.. *clap clap*
Oh god..!! please listen to my prayers... Please bring me to a brighter side of my life... I know you had given me the light but at this time I really needs spotlight..!!
This is the first summer break which I felt is the most tired one,
in other way, I'm involved into more responsibility ( working ma),
less rest, more sickness caught into me in this one month holiday,
From day to day, i felt I'm so weak to get up and perform the routine worksssss
but guess what, even though I'm not willing to get up but end up, waken up by my mum or dad,
When I count on my finger, I leaved 2 weeks at here then going back to Sabah for orientation and the hostel stuff.
I'm so unwilling to go back so early, in fact if I got my hostel result ealier which the answer is an 'accaptance', I can just persuade my mum to let me go back ealier,
I don't care about the orientation anymore,
no determination to go further for my Activity life,
but without the existence of activities, I know my life will be very commom,
but relax, relax relax to go through my last year degree life...
However, until this time, I have no regret with what I had gone through,
maybe with the right person and the right time..
gosh, need to be off to my grand aunt to pay her a visit coz she is old enough to travel around..
This is the first time I received I'm a no manenrs person in ppl eye. yeay. people who know me, I'm tat kind of ppl where I do all my stuff follow my way. I got my own personality. I live for myself. The distance between me n you is getting further n further.. the distance cant be measured... THe speechless can't be described... The irritiated can't be spoken... From now on, I told myself.. Is time to let u go as a friend... because u'r not the friend I'm looking for.. I'm the one who changing not you... I'm so sorry I can't able to understand u anymore... Maybe all the previous understanding is not deep enough... I can't drop any tears for friends... because it has been become a scare in my heart... A scare which I can't understand u...
People have been telling me, my attitude got problem, my tempered is too high.. EQ too loqw... like to yell and get angry all the time.. Come on man.. if u dunno how stupid , idiot , basterd u are right??!! shut ur mouth and go eat shit..!~@!~@!~@ everyone has theri limit... only certain bitch and basterd can make me angry.. I'm trying my best to ignore,.. but u seems like cross my limit.. lie to me and not admit is ur fault.. tat's ur problem not mine..!@~!@!~ lying can caused ur dead and fail for ur life.. Anyway, I'm not going to busy body for any other people business already..!@#~!@ I just want to do my best for my job.. and make u guys not question on my work.. don't ever try to cross the line.. i meant it...
I just came back from Tamu gadang interview. Honestly speaking, this is the sort of a event for our convo people in this October. I wanted to join because I love all of them so much..!! I meant it..!!! I might be not that good for the last year performance but I will perform my best for my next event. Guess what, I suits busy life. Busy life suits me!! Some rumors were going around the uni regarding to the position for certain event. For me, all of that is childish minded. I don't give a damm shit whether u wanna band me for any reason. For me, u afraid of me then u drop me. THose people don't over confidence. I'm not that person who wish for the condition where people don't appreciate for my work.. There is still some where else I belongs.. I belongs my own kingdom.. not you to decide my direction.
I got for what I want, I work hard for it, I impress people with my ability; I don't need your sympathy.
Received a precious comment from an old friend whom currently in Russia for her Medical study. Thanks a lot for your comment and advise. I know keep avoiding is not the way to solve my problem. This is my psychological problem. I'm a person who afraid of loneliness. All this while, I had two close seniors infact my closest friends in my university walk along with me, They seriously walked along with me all the time. When, I'm going to fall. They will be there. But situation will change, I have to grow up. I have to walk alone after this semester. The joy and happiness that we had build through our past is going to become our history. From 1st year, a girl whom only know study is the most important had change to a person who like to think too much. She kept all the secrets in her heart, no one can understand. She knows her weaknesses, she had trying very hard to change her irritiating attitude. Obviously, she failed. She always concerned for her family because she knows how precious her family is to give her support. She wish to fly as high as possible but she always pulled back by certain force(self-confidence). Since last time, I will said I'm a person with very less self confidence ( maybe because of my body size). Sometimes, she wonder if her body is slim like model, will she become more confidence to herself?! I doubts but with slim body is better than an overweight body shape. She wish someone can understand her, she is not hoping for much. At least a good friend who can understand me. A girl who always have to carry the responsibility is always tired. Tired until she has to explore what she had done for the whole day before she slept. Sometimes, she cant sleep because of the incident that happened in the day. MSM event, might be the last event for me in the my degree. Seniors asked me to try it out if the feeling is not right then just take a rest. There's no point carry on anymore. My heart tell me to move on but my mind ask me to stop. If I had a choice, I wish to have a life with my music, basketball, studies and events together. If I were a boy... maybe I can be more firmed with my decision... If I were a boy... I don't have so much time to doubts my decision but to carry on... If I were a boy... I will be tough as a real man. But I'm a girl.. Thanks to my parents had given me a female identity.. They makes me think further and outside the box... My weakness is I ALWAYS THINK TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! chilaka..!!
I will not post anything unless ir really created numerous effect to my life. I'm quite busy with my assignments currently. In fact, I have assignments stil not started yet. Very emotional recently, I don't know what's the problem. jealous? miss the praised like last time? empty is the most suitable word to describe my life now... was wondering should I change my flight ticket o not... mum said last year d.. join nia la.. no prob ba.. then ok, I joint.
I wished someone can tell me.. what I had become until now?! what's my difference since last time.. someone... please tell me... thanks
All this while, I'm in Sabah. I always try my very best to solve all the obstacles occurred in my life. I did complaint. I did give up. I did a lot of negative behavior to keep myself in my own life box. However, life carry on smoothly as I wished since the first day I stepped my first step in this land.
After I have adapted myself here for almost 2 years, I actually enjoy very much with my single life here. If I could add in my transportation here then my life will be awesome. Then I started to think about my future as in I have one more year a heads from here, then I will graduate from my degree from UMS. So, now my future is the main attention in my life. Ever since my family had problem, my future is always the main concern in my life. Before this, I told myself I will go back to my home and stay with my parents after I start working so that I can accompany them especially my daddy. But now I have any different thought for my future.
What had make me success in UMS?! I always question myself.. I came out with a conclusion because I'm far away from my home then I can avoid from the quarrel with family. These is the main factor that can make me feel relax in handling my things here. Since last May holiday started, I knew that home is not the place I can stay if I started my career. Not to mean that I'm so cruel to leave my parents with two younger brothers. But, I can only concentrate in my work if I leaved my house just like the condition in Sabah now.
I keep searching and searching a way for me to go abroad for my career. I know I mustn't in hurry to work it out and things will change in one year time. I might be not alive in this coming one year. Tragedy is kindna subjective for me. I'm still with my principle, if there is any chance to go further, I will say YES!!
Pesta Ang Pow UMS was performed greatly on last satuday night at Dewan Chancellor, UMS. That was full house for that night. I really appreciate with all the hard work we had done and challenges we had overcome it. Thanks to my strong teammates, 16 of us had created glory to ourselves and to PAP as well. I really hope that they had learned something through out this event. It's hard to gather all the strong and tough people in one team But we are the one strong team. All the misunderstand and stress or conflict, I bag forgiveness from all of you. I apologize if I ever hurt you in the past, present and future. Carry on your university life with fun and challenges. Enjoy who you are as a student in this protected area. Growth as much as you could to decrease harmful impact in your future. All the best and good luck!! Happy Chinese new year. See yea, iron men unit publicity Pesta Ang Pow 2010.
不患无位，患所以立
That literally means "do not worry about having no position, do worry about having no capability".
These's from Confusian teaching.
I learned it from a politician.
I will uphold this protocol from now onwards.
That's Me!!I'm Lee Yean Yeon!!
My Nature Cant Be Confiscated!!
